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AmericanClown.com Clowns who happen to be American |
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| Clown of the Month - June 2011 |
eHarmony Video Bio |
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I like her
because she seems sweet but appears to be destined for the title of cat
herder extraordinaire. Some women are so attracted to cats that they cry
uncontrollably when the thought of felines creep into their brains. Would I date her? Yeah, I would because she seems sweet and her cat herder status probably won't enter the picture for another few years. |
| Clown of the Month - December 2010 (Redux) |
Charlie Sheen |
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Remember how Lindsay had to serve a whopping 13 days in jail for her
little drug problem last month? Charlie Sheen also has a drug problem.
He also has a hooker problem. Well, "Capri Anderson" claims she's not a
hooker but a porn star. Sex for money? You're a hooker, honey. Welcome
to reality. While Lindsay had to serve time in the big house, Charlie
won't serve a single day under incarceration. Charlie is an American Clown but his clown rating won't be too high. You know why? This guy gets away with everything. It's almost like the entirety of the American male population is living vicariously through Charlie. He does drugs, he bangs hookers (while married), and he makes $2 million per episode of a popular television show. What's not to love and look up to? In the Ferris Bueller movie, there's a scene towards the end where Charlie plays a drugged out high school student. That wasn't fiction. Clown Stats Name: Charlie Sheen Probation: Not Even Considered Clown Rating: 6/10 |
| Clown of the Month - November 2010 (Redux) |
Charlie Sheen |
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Remember how Lindsay had to serve a whopping 13 days in jail for her
little drug problem last month? Charlie Sheen also has a drug problem.
He also has a hooker problem. Well, "Capri Anderson" claims she's not a
hooker but a porn star. Sex for money? You're a hooker, honey. Welcome
to reality. While Lindsay had to serve time in the big house, Charlie
won't serve a single day under incarceration. Charlie is an American Clown but his clown rating won't be too high. You know why? This guy gets away with everything. It's almost like the entirety of the American male population is living vicariously through Charlie. He does drugs, he bangs hookers (while married), and he makes $2 million per episode of a popular television show. What's not to love and look up to? In the Ferris Bueller movie, there's a scene towards the end where Charlie plays a drugged out high school student. That wasn't fiction. Clown Stats Name: Charlie Sheen Probation: Not Even Considered Clown Rating: 6/10 |
| Clown of the Month - October 2010 |
Charlie Sheen |
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Remember how Lindsay had to serve a whopping 13 days in jail for her
little drug problem last month? Charlie Sheen also has a drug problem.
He also has a hooker problem. Well, "Capri Anderson" claims she's not a
hooker but a porn star. Sex for money? You're a hooker, honey. Welcome
to reality. While Lindsay had to serve time in the big house, Charlie
won't serve a single day under incarceration. Charlie is an American Clown but his clown rating won't be too high. You know why? This guy gets away with everything. It's almost like the entirety of the American male population is living vicariously through Charlie. He does drugs, he bangs hookers (while married), and he makes $2 million per episode of a popular television show. What's not to love and look up to? In the Ferris Bueller movie, there's a scene towards the end where Charlie plays a drugged out high school student. That wasn't fiction. Clown Stats Name: Charlie Sheen Probation: Not Even Considered Clown Rating: 6/10 |
| Clown of the Month - September 2010 |
Lindsay Lohan |
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Two American clownesses in a row. Let's see if we can make it three in a
row when October rolls around. Lindsay. What can be said? She got
a big break when she was released from jail after only serving 13 days
of a 90 day sentence back in July. What happened? She liked prison so
much that she couldn't wait to get back behind bars? She enjoyed being
taunted by the other inmates? What happened Lindsay? Oh, I know. Drugs.
Drugs are good. Drugs make you feel great and provide an escape from the
drudgery of life. I'm not faulting Lindsay for doing drugs. I'd do coke if I could afford it but if the government wants to be fair, they should imprison everyone in Hollywood because everyone does drugs. What I'm faulting Lindsay for is being stupid enough to get caught. C'mon now. It's like no one's going to be looking at you and testing you. Clown. Clown Stats Name: Lindsay Lohan Probation: Revoked Clown Rating: 10/10 |
| Clown of the Month - August 2010 | Melanie Dushane |
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This month, we have a female American clown. Guess she's a clowness. Her name is Melanie DuShane and on the morning of January 01,
2010, she pulled into the drive-thru of a McDonald's in Toledo, Ohio looking
for breakfast. Melanie wasn't after an Egg McMuffin or a hash brown however.
She was hungry for Chicken McNuggets - those golden brown morsels of
lightly-battered chicken that explode in your mouth with goodness. When Melanie was informed that McNuggets were not available for breakfast, Dushane got angry. Hulk Angry. She got out of her car, punched the drive-thru employee in the face not once but a few times and even tried to climb through the drive-thru window. Thankfully, her pork-like thighs weren't limber enough to spring her into the McDonalds where she would've ruined breakfast for everyone. After the employees inside managed to close the drive-thru window, Melanie can be seen attempting to break it a few times... like the Hulk. As Melanie leaves, she smashes the drive-thru window by throwing a bottle through it. Classy. Clown Stats Name: Melanie Dushane Serving: 60 days in jail Clown Rating: 09/10 |
| Clown of the Month - July 2010 |
LeBron James |
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In addition to being a clown, Lebron is a showboatin' jackass. Who else
would have the temerity to call himself, "King James" with a serous face? Lebron is
probably the best player in the game today but that honor isn't stopping him from
being a complete clown on and off the court. Have some dignity. When Lebron's
camp was about to announce where he'd be signing earlier this month, James
told the press that he'd be holding a live news conference on ESPN. Of
course, the news media lapped it all up and gave the "King" his due. Lebron doesn't just have a big ego, his ego is the size of Cleveland. Wonder how that'll work out when he moves to the Miami Heat later this year. The media should be sick of Lebron's antics but it has to be seen if his antics over the past year have been enough to turn the media jackals off. Don't hold your breath because people love a good clown and a one-man carnival sideshow. Clown Stats Name: LeBron Raymone James Birthdate: December 30, 1984 Drafted: 2003 Cleveland Cavaliers Clown Rating: 10/10
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